Monday, 14 July 2008

Wishing I Didn't Wish Stuff Like That

I went to see UB40 last night in an open air concert. I originally bought 4 tickets and was going to go with my daughters dad, his brother and his brothers girlfriend however when i made my big decision a few weeks ago to get rid of all ifs buts and maybes out of my life I also decided that socialising together would make the whole healing process take much longer. I therefore decided that going with my friends would be a much better option.

I can count my friends on one hand (sometimes I think this is a good thing and sometimes I think it's not) so when one was on holiday, one hated UB40 and the other one couldn't afford transport to get to me it left me and my buddie Miche as the only 2 peeps going to the concert!

Now don't get me wrong, I had a good time but I always feel like something is missing. I hate it cos I usually always feel like that at concerts. Most people tend to be in couples or big family groups. Even though I'm not there on my own, I'm with my friend I kinda feel a bit empty, like something is missing. I really want to be there with my "boyfriend" (the one I don't have yet just in case I am confusing you) I really wanna be there with a man, a man that loves me and it really bugs me that I feel like that! I really DON'T wanna feel like that! I really wanna be able to just go out with my mates and ENJOY the night without WISHING it be different, WISHING I was there with someone special making a memory that creates a bond together, making a memory that you can chat about and reminisce about later down the line. I flipping WISH I was just content sharing memories with friends and I feel like a cow because I'm not. Sometimes I just wanna be loved by a MAN! How crap is that!!!!!!


Kellan said...

I hope you find someone to be with - to love - soon! I think it will happen - just give it time.

Thanks for stopping by my site - so nice to see you. Have a good day - Kellan

Jen said...

Total crappy! I'm sorry,. You can count me as one of your friends. . . if that helps. . . I know, not really! Here's to finding you a great man!!! I'm on the prowl and will send him your way when I find him :)