I have not cried for the last few days! It can't be the "happy pills" working yet as they don't kick in for at least a few weeks so I reckon it is just cos I can see light at the end of the tunnel. My time of the month is over and that makes a huge difference. I am just left with about 10 massive spots on my face which is really attractive...not! I cleaned up my kitchen and lounge which is a start. I decided to do one thing at a time instead of trying to do it ALL!
On another note, we woke up this morning to the door buzzer going and I had totally forgot that the sky man was coming round to install sky plus. I looked a right old state! Mashed up bed head hair, spots not covered with any make-up, boobs hanging as no bra on, top with Kadyn's dribble stains all over it! Hmmm...Nice! Anyway, I let him in and went to get Kadyn out of my bed. I walked back into the lounge chatting away to the guy and then looked at Kadyn....OH.MY.GOD! My child looked like an alien baby!!!! He must of thought she had some kind of skin disfigurement. She had dark green snot all over her face. When I say all over, I mean ALL over!! From above her eyes to under her chin! Thick, dried and crusted SNOT! Totally caked all over her poor little face! I quickly proceeded to remove the snot but it was like flipping green glue stuck to my baby's face! After lots of wet wipes and plenty of tears she finally looked like a human baby again!
Tuesday, 22 July 2008
There Is Light And Snot
Thursday, 17 July 2008
Post Natal Depression
Went to the docs today as been very tearful for weeks now. Had to do a questionnaire thing and it all added up to the fact I have post natal depression! I have suffered from depression about 7 years ago and was worried throughout my pregnancy that I would get post natal depression especially as the circumstances around and during my pregnancy were not the best BUT I didn't get it! I was so chuffed with myself and proud of myself for doing it all on my own and coping with everything and then all of a sudden .... BLAM! It kinda came at me from nowhere! I've had the odd few days over the last 11 months where I have had the odd day here and there with crying and feeling down but I normally get over it pretty quick and pull myself together but this time the tears just seem to not want to go away! So, almost 11 months later the poxy depression has caught up with me and there was me thinking I could escape it!!!!!!
I have no motivation with ANYTHING really. I get upset as I don't have many friends to do stuff with during the day and it can be quite lonely on your own all day and all night with a baby. So to fix that I went online and met other mums in the same sort of position as me. Although they are not single mums they are still finding it hard during the day and crave a bit of adult conversation so I made friends with them and arranged meet ups etc.. BUT....I can't be bothered. I can't be bothered to get dressed, wash my hair, do my make-up, iron my clothes, leave the house - I just don't have the energy and all I want to do is sleep! It is rubbish - I am complaining about not having friends and then when I do I don't want to see them!! Anyway, like I said, I went to the docs and have been given some happy pills so hopefully I can get my umph back and get back to my normal self.
Kadyn is currently eating a magazine so better go sort her out - why is it that they always want everything they are not meant to have rather than all the cool toys they have got? LOL
Anyway - hopefully this is the first step to getting fixed!!
Monday, 14 July 2008
Wishing I Didn't Wish Stuff Like That
I went to see UB40 last night in an open air concert. I originally bought 4 tickets and was going to go with my daughters dad, his brother and his brothers girlfriend however when i made my big decision a few weeks ago to get rid of all ifs buts and maybes out of my life I also decided that socialising together would make the whole healing process take much longer. I therefore decided that going with my friends would be a much better option.
I can count my friends on one hand (sometimes I think this is a good thing and sometimes I think it's not) so when one was on holiday, one hated UB40 and the other one couldn't afford transport to get to me it left me and my buddie Miche as the only 2 peeps going to the concert!
Now don't get me wrong, I had a good time but I always feel like something is missing. I hate it cos I usually always feel like that at concerts. Most people tend to be in couples or big family groups. Even though I'm not there on my own, I'm with my friend I kinda feel a bit empty, like something is missing. I really want to be there with my "boyfriend" (the one I don't have yet just in case I am confusing you) I really wanna be there with a man, a man that loves me and it really bugs me that I feel like that! I really DON'T wanna feel like that! I really wanna be able to just go out with my mates and ENJOY the night without WISHING it be different, WISHING I was there with someone special making a memory that creates a bond together, making a memory that you can chat about and reminisce about later down the line. I flipping WISH I was just content sharing memories with friends and I feel like a cow because I'm not. Sometimes I just wanna be loved by a MAN! How crap is that!!!!!!
Friday, 14 March 2008
Fed Up........................
Ok guys, sorry I haven't been about for a few days. I have sprained my back AND have 2 buggered up knees. I need to have key hole surgery on my right knee and the doctor said that should help make it better for about 6 months to a year but there isn't actually anything they can do to make them completely better. So, limping around on dodgy knees with a mashed up back and carrying a baby is not too good at the mo. I am knackered and just wanna sleep - one of those days where I actually don't feel much like being a mummy today - I would like to just take myself off to bed BUT I can't so the little one is having a nap at the mo, I'm trying to read all 107 google reader updates and thought I better explain to you guys that I wasn't ignoring you all - honest :o)
Sunday, 2 March 2008
Happy Mothers Day!
Guess what, Guess what!!! Little Loola said "Mama" for the first time today! She was not very well last night and had a temperature so Nana and I went over to Daddy's house to collect her (she was staying the night with him). He said he thought she had said "Mama" a few times that night while she was a bit tearful but this morning she definitely confirmed it - while changing her nappy she got a bit upset and looked at me and said "Mama Mama" - OH MY HEART MELTED! What a perfect gift for Mothers Day!!!!!!!!
Sunday, 2 December 2007
Santa Tears
You know your having a bad day when you watch the film ELF and start crying then singing along with the crowd to "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" to get Santa's Sleigh off the ground! It's run on Christmas spirit you know!!! :o) Singing is like petrol for his sleigh! Wish my car was run on singing - would be much cheaper!
Monday, 12 November 2007
Trying.................
For someone who talks a lot, all of a sudden I'm stumped. Trying to think of what to write...trying to write something interesting or funny and now it's dawned on me....I'm always TRYING to impress or please or satisfy or something or other, someone else. Who cares if it is boring or not funny? ME! and why? ....I'm not sure yet but maybe by writing down my feelings or thoughts or as I call them...waffles, I will find out why I care so much what everyone else thinks - cos believe me I wish I didn't!
