I have not cried for the last few days! It can't be the "happy pills" working yet as they don't kick in for at least a few weeks so I reckon it is just cos I can see light at the end of the tunnel. My time of the month is over and that makes a huge difference. I am just left with about 10 massive spots on my face which is really attractive...not! I cleaned up my kitchen and lounge which is a start. I decided to do one thing at a time instead of trying to do it ALL!
On another note, we woke up this morning to the door buzzer going and I had totally forgot that the sky man was coming round to install sky plus. I looked a right old state! Mashed up bed head hair, spots not covered with any make-up, boobs hanging as no bra on, top with Kadyn's dribble stains all over it! Hmmm...Nice! Anyway, I let him in and went to get Kadyn out of my bed. I walked back into the lounge chatting away to the guy and then looked at Kadyn....OH.MY.GOD! My child looked like an alien baby!!!! He must of thought she had some kind of skin disfigurement. She had dark green snot all over her face. When I say all over, I mean ALL over!! From above her eyes to under her chin! Thick, dried and crusted SNOT! Totally caked all over her poor little face! I quickly proceeded to remove the snot but it was like flipping green glue stuck to my baby's face! After lots of wet wipes and plenty of tears she finally looked like a human baby again!
Tuesday, 22 July 2008
There Is Light And Snot
Sunday, 20 July 2008
If... No.1
So, I have got this new book called "If... (Questions for the game of life) by Evelyn McFarlane & James Saywell. It is full of questions that can be used at a dinner party, icebreaker between new acquaintances , it can even help you get to know yourself better (apparently).
Anyhoo, I thought it would be cool to pick questions and ask them on my blog and then my blog readers could answer them too. Now I know I don't have many readers so it could end up that I am the only one answering the questions but I still thought it would be fun.
So the first question is:
If you had to eliminate a single type of animal forever more, which would you choose?
Well, the first thing that came into my mind is that I don't want to eliminate ANY animal coz I love animals. Then I tried to think about the animals I'm not too keen on and I thought of earwigs and daddy longlegs and then I thought "pants! they are not animals, they are insects!" so now I'm stuck again. Urrrrrrrrm, think think think......god this one is hard! Then I thought of a snake and again "pants! that is a reptile" Urrrrrrm.... Right, I have sat here for about 20 minutes now trying to think of an animal I don't like and I can't!!!!!!!!! Flippin heck, I'm really good at this game aren't I??! Ok, so I think I will pick those mean nasty horrible pitbull dogs, the ones that are vicious and attack other animals.
What about you? Leave me a comment with your answer or you can answer it on your own blog and sign Mr.Linky.
Thursday, 17 July 2008
Post Natal Depression
Went to the docs today as been very tearful for weeks now. Had to do a questionnaire thing and it all added up to the fact I have post natal depression! I have suffered from depression about 7 years ago and was worried throughout my pregnancy that I would get post natal depression especially as the circumstances around and during my pregnancy were not the best BUT I didn't get it! I was so chuffed with myself and proud of myself for doing it all on my own and coping with everything and then all of a sudden .... BLAM! It kinda came at me from nowhere! I've had the odd few days over the last 11 months where I have had the odd day here and there with crying and feeling down but I normally get over it pretty quick and pull myself together but this time the tears just seem to not want to go away! So, almost 11 months later the poxy depression has caught up with me and there was me thinking I could escape it!!!!!!
I have no motivation with ANYTHING really. I get upset as I don't have many friends to do stuff with during the day and it can be quite lonely on your own all day and all night with a baby. So to fix that I went online and met other mums in the same sort of position as me. Although they are not single mums they are still finding it hard during the day and crave a bit of adult conversation so I made friends with them and arranged meet ups etc.. BUT....I can't be bothered. I can't be bothered to get dressed, wash my hair, do my make-up, iron my clothes, leave the house - I just don't have the energy and all I want to do is sleep! It is rubbish - I am complaining about not having friends and then when I do I don't want to see them!! Anyway, like I said, I went to the docs and have been given some happy pills so hopefully I can get my umph back and get back to my normal self.
Kadyn is currently eating a magazine so better go sort her out - why is it that they always want everything they are not meant to have rather than all the cool toys they have got? LOL
Anyway - hopefully this is the first step to getting fixed!!
Monday, 14 July 2008
Wishing I Didn't Wish Stuff Like That
I went to see UB40 last night in an open air concert. I originally bought 4 tickets and was going to go with my daughters dad, his brother and his brothers girlfriend however when i made my big decision a few weeks ago to get rid of all ifs buts and maybes out of my life I also decided that socialising together would make the whole healing process take much longer. I therefore decided that going with my friends would be a much better option.
I can count my friends on one hand (sometimes I think this is a good thing and sometimes I think it's not) so when one was on holiday, one hated UB40 and the other one couldn't afford transport to get to me it left me and my buddie Miche as the only 2 peeps going to the concert!
Now don't get me wrong, I had a good time but I always feel like something is missing. I hate it cos I usually always feel like that at concerts. Most people tend to be in couples or big family groups. Even though I'm not there on my own, I'm with my friend I kinda feel a bit empty, like something is missing. I really want to be there with my "boyfriend" (the one I don't have yet just in case I am confusing you) I really wanna be there with a man, a man that loves me and it really bugs me that I feel like that! I really DON'T wanna feel like that! I really wanna be able to just go out with my mates and ENJOY the night without WISHING it be different, WISHING I was there with someone special making a memory that creates a bond together, making a memory that you can chat about and reminisce about later down the line. I flipping WISH I was just content sharing memories with friends and I feel like a cow because I'm not. Sometimes I just wanna be loved by a MAN! How crap is that!!!!!!
Saturday, 12 July 2008
Change Of Diet
So, I have lost over 17 pounds now! I actually stopped doing the lighter life diet last week and have just been eating really carefully since then and lost another couple of pounds on my own! I am still on my mission to get to 140 pounds but it just might take a little longer now but that is cool with me :o)
Instructions For Properly Hugging A Baby
First....find a baby!
Be sure that the object that you found was indeed a baby by employing classic sniffing techniques.
Next you will need to flatten the baby before beginning the hugging process.
The "paw slide". Simply slide paws around the baby and prepare for possible close up.
Finally, if a camera is present you will need to execute the difficult and patented "hug, smile and lean" to achieve the best photo.
Friday, 11 July 2008
New Neighbours
Gypsies have moved into my back garden!!!!!!! There are about 5 caravans and a bloody noisy generator and 10 dirty kids with no shoes on running around the place ! The police have been out to them but it usually takes about 2 weeks to move them on as you have to get court orders and stuff. They have already been scouting around in our communal back garden for stuff they can take. I have had to bring my nice bird feeder in as they usually take metal stuff as they can get good money for metal. They asked my next door neighbours if they could have the kids bike and football! Cheeky little mites. They are known for leaving behind a lot of rubbish and the generator they have got running is really noisy. I thought a helicopter was hovering over my flat at first until I realised what it was!
OK, so this pic is a bit of an exaggeration but I'm sure if my new neighbours weren't moved on soon this is what my back garden would look like in a few months. At the moment there are about 4 of the little orange ones on the right hand side of the picture and 1 yellow one in the middle!
Tuesday, 1 July 2008
A New Trend
There once was a time when my mum used to really embarrass me. I think I have grown up a lot since having Kadyn as now the same things don't really embarrass me any more, in fact, they make me smile. Like when my mum wears slip on shoes with socks! For years it has been slip on gold shoes with white socks but the other day I just had to get a photo of the "new style"....I Love My Mumski!!!!!!!!
The Power Of Our Actions
I really like this story I read so I thought I would share it with you:
"One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, 'Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.' I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, 'Those guys are jerks, they really should get lives'. He looked at me and said, 'Hey thanks!'. There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football
with my friends and he said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, 'Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!'. He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends...
When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak on Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great.
He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous! Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, 'Hey, big guy, you'll be great!'. He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.'Thanks' he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began 'Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story'.
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.'Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable'.
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions.
With one small gesture you can change a person's life.
For better or for worse.
God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way.
Look for good in others."
Wednesday, 25 June 2008
Pounds AND inches.....going going going!!
Another 3.6 pounds gone so that is a total of 15.2 pounds all together which is over a stone! That's in just 3 weeks! Feels like about 3 years though I have to say! (a stone is 14 pounds for you USA bods that don't know). So that is my first stone GONE!! So, if I can do that well and I have not been perfect on it, just think what I could do if I stuck to the rules 100% and WAS perfect! So, that's what I'm gonna try to do this week!!
Oh, and inches!! We got measured again this week and I have lost a whopping 6 1/2 inches off my waist. Another 2 1/2 off my bust and also 2 off my hips!! Excellent !!!!!!!!
I also got my self respect back and sorted out my love life! I am officially young free and PROPERLY single. Got rid of half hearted substitutions and feel so much better now :o) I was hanging on to ifs buts and maybes and felt like my life was on hold waiting for someone else to make their mind up! No longer!! I made MY mind up instead!! I know it is gonna be a bit of a tough road now and then but right now I'M COOL and feel POSITIVE :o)
Friday, 20 June 2008
Wednesday, 18 June 2008
A Little Bit More Gone
Another 2.8 pounds has vacated my body!!!!!!!! Wooooo Hooooo!! Considering I had a very difficult week and cheated a little I am very pleased. I tell you what, it is HARD not EATING! Anyway, this week is going to be a good week. I decided to try the Thai chilli soup instead of having vanilla milkshake EVERY day 4 times a day! It was actually quite nice, not bad. I better go now as I have physio on my back. I just dropped Kadyn off at Nursery for the first time!
Saturday, 14 June 2008
I Must Be Getting Old!
You know what? I must be getting old as I've really got into bird watching! I love it when a new kind of bird lands on my feeder and I get all excited wondering what he is. My friend came over for lunch the other day and we were sat watching the wildlife and she announced "ooooh, you have a nut hatch on your feeder!" Apparently they are quite rare. I proceeded to tell her all about my woodpecker and thrush family as my squirrels came over and peered into my lounge - I love it! It is like a little wildlife haven, that is until the devil black cat comes round trying to kill everything. Don't get me wrong, I love cats! I love animals in general, they are much nicer than humans if you ask me! BUT, I don't like THIS cat! I stand at my patio doors yelling at him to go away and he just looks at me as if I'm mad. My neighbours probably think I am mad but anyway, that's not the point. He just stares at me then carries on trying to KILL things! The other week I looked into the garden and one of my squirrels was sunbathing on his back with all his legs stuck up in the air! He was of course DEAD! I went over and picked him up and put him inside the bushes. My mum said I should put him in the bin but I just couldn't do that, that seemed awful to put him in with all the rubbish, poor little thing. Anyway, without wanting to go into too much detail, it was death caused by eye removal. One eye was just missing! So, I have been trying to work out who the murderer was. I have 2 suspects. The first is a huge nasty big crow who goes around bullying all the other birds and chasing the squirrels when they get some bread. The second one is the devil cat! Or they could be in it together!! The cat does the killing and the crow does the eye removal! Until I know the culprit, they are both not in my good books! I know the whole thing about innocent until proven guilty but hey, they are both mean and nasty dudes!
So, I only have 3 squirrels in my tree now. I had to buy some squirrel proof bird feeders cos they chewed my plastic ones to bits when their nuts ran out trying to get into the birds stash!
My friend Jez came over last night and I was showing him pictures of Kadyn and he saw the pics of my squirrels and birds and was all concerned as to why I was taking pictures of "animals". "It's just a squirrel" he repeated about 10 times! Anyhoo, I know it is JUST a squirrel and JUST a bird but I like them, I like them a lot!
Friday, 13 June 2008
No More 13!!!
I am no longer 13 stone something, I am now 12 stone something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am NEVER going to be 13 stone something EVER again!!!! I am not going to update my weight ticker wotsit until my official weigh in next week but I think I have lost another pound according to MY scales!! Love It!!!! I was feeling a bit deflated with the whole thing the other day and then I watched a programme on the TV about big babies. Babies that were born to obese women and the babies were a whole stone when they were born! One was 15 pounds!!! Poor baba's!! Then the mums were feeding them whole bags of chips and junk food. One baby was having a pint of milk every 2 hours!!! The mums seemed to think it was funny but I just felt awful! Those poor little baba's don't stand a chance! Anyway, it set me right back into the right frame of mind - I'm on a roll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woooo Hoooo!
Wednesday, 11 June 2008
Only 13 More!
One week down only 13 more weeks to go. I have decided to narrow it down a bit more so it doesn't seem like quite such a hurdle. Just taking 1 month at a time! I MISS food, not cos I'm hungry as I'm not at all but just cos I miss food. I MISS eating! Anyway, I had 2 tiny hiccups but instead of it completely cocking up the diet or turning them into major hiccups, I drew a line under them and moved on and I have lost a whopping total of 8.8 pounds in ONE week!!! I am drinking about 3 litres of water but will try this week to get that up to 4 litres.
When you get to class each week you have to fill in a sheet to say which milkshakes,soups or bars you want for the following week. There is banana,chocolate,caramel,raspberry,strawberry and vanilla milkshake. Chicken,mushroom or Thai soup and about 3 different bars. The bars taste the same as far as I'm concerned and just taste like chewy powder yukiness. The chicken soup isn't that bad, just tastes like normal cupasoup which I'm also not a huge fan of. You have to have 4 things a day so 28 in total. Most people's lists are very varied with different flavoured shakes and soups and a bar each day (you can only have 1 bar a day). My list was easy! 22 vanilla shakes and 6 choc ones please! (and even then I only ordered chocolate ones cos I didn't want everyone to think I was a total loon!) I am definitely an all or nothing person. That is my personality all over. Do something obsessively for a week or 2 until I can't stand it anymore. Then stay off it for a while then all of a sudden back on it obsessively. Why can't I just do a little of everything??? LOL Anyway, I'm waffling again!
So, I'm 8.8 pounds lighter than I was last week - Wooooooooo Hoooooooooo! I actually feel much better too, not as tired all the time.
Better go as Loola has got the hang of crawling more than 3 steps forwards now and is on her way into the kitchen!!!
Sunday, 8 June 2008
One Step, Two Steps....
I did some exercise! I went over to mums and we went to dinton pastures which has some lovely lakes that you can walk round. It was really sunny and there were lots of people out having picnics and stuff. We walked round the whole BIG lake which is about 3 miles I think! Mum has a bad back too but it is something different to mine and she finds it easier to walk slower where I find it better if I really strut and go quite fast so that is a bit difficult. I sometimes strut off ahead of her and then strut back to her as we go around. Anyway - I am proud that I got off my fat bum and did some EXERCISE! Yay Hay!!!!!!
Daddy just called to say he is on his way. He was meant to have Kadyn back by 6 but he is never on time! Looking forward to seeing her :o)
Day 5 Of Lighter Life
Well, amazingly, I'm NOT hungry! No FOOD for the last 4 days! You would think on 530 calories a day I would be STARVING but I'm not. The milkshakes add up to 530 cals by the way just in case I started to confuse you. Your body goes into ketosis which means it uses the energy in the FAT you have stored in your body and believe me I have enough of it so I'm feeling COOL! I didn't drink as much as I should have yesterday so today I am on a mission to do better with the water AND do some exercise!!!!! My back feels much better this morning so gonna finish my cleaning now and then jump in the shower and head on over to my mums. Daddy will bring Kadyn home tonight so I have the day to myself and I'm sure she is having lots of fun with her Daddy.
Water, Water, Water............................................
Saturday, 7 June 2008
A Bit Of This & A Bit Of That!
OK, so I haven't been around for a while. I've had so much going on and just haven't been in the "blogging zone". I think I just blogged myself out! Also, I'm not lucky enough to blog totally honestly about what is going on in my life as I have readers that would be hurt or offended or affected by what I wrote about so I don't write about it but I wish I could if that makes sense???
Anyway, I've had a tough few weeks but I'm sorting myself out! My diet went totally to pot and I ended up putting weight on, getting all upset about it and deleting my diet blog. I just don't have the time to do as much as I want with the 2 blogs I already have and cos it wasn't going well it just seemed like a mission and a chore rather than something I enjoyed.
I am finally in the zone now and last Tuesday I started the Lighter Life Diet! It is a bit extreme I know but I AM GOING TO DO IT! I have a friend who did it and went from a size 18 to size 10 in 14 weeks! In the 14 week foundation plan you lose on average 3 stone! BUT......you are not aloud to eat ANY FOOD! You have 4 milkshakes a day which give you all the protein, vitamins & minerals that you need to stay healthy and they are yummy which is a bonus! You have a 2 hour counselling session a week which is the bit I really wanted. I have yo yo dieted for years and I need to work out why I have such a crap relationship with food! You have to get the ok from your doctor and they see you monthly too. Anyway, I have been doing it for 4 days so far and I have already lost 7 pounds! Flipping Fantastic!!!!!!!!!!! You have to drink 4 litres of water a day which I am struggling to do as I usually go days without drinking ANYTHING (bad I know) but I am just about managing just over 3 litres and I'm trying to get it up a bit each day.
I have to keep telling myself it is JUST for 3 months, 14 measly weeks and I will have lost all this flabber labber and be slim again. After the 14 weeks they start to introduce food slowly back into your diet. That way you get to know what foods are good for you individually and what foods are trigger foods. Trigger foods are ones that make you more hungry and want to overeat etc. Everyone has different trigger foods. The way they see it is that if you have a problem with alcohol or drugs they remove them TOTALLY from your system so that's what they are doing with the food as FOOD is my DRUG and right now it is making me ill. It is making me fat and miserable and I wanna fix it! I had actually asked my doctor for counselling but was told that because I don't make myself throw up it is not officially classed as an eating disorder. How stupid is that??????! So, I stuff my face and don't throw up which is making me FAT - surely that is still a problem? Anyway, obviously not in the official medical terms! SO, that's why I started Lighter Life, mainly for the counselling as I want to get to the bottom of WHY I binge eat especially when I know it makes me so miserable.
Blimey, can't believe I just said all that out loud!
Kadyn (aka Little Loola) has been much much more active and wanting far more attention, another reason why I have not been blogging as much as I need to entertain her way more than I used to. She has started crawling now and I have been slightly, only slightly mind you, better at keeping her blog updated. Daddy just came to pick her up as she is spending the weekend with him. I am quite relieved as my back is really sore today and I find it really difficult to pick her up and stuff which is very frustrating for both of us.
I am going to TRY to tidy up my house now as it is so much easier without Kadyn around. She gets all upset if I go in a different room to her and if I take her in the room and try to hoover she screams the place down. I don't know why she hates the hoover so much!
After that I'm gonna go over to my Mum's and do the Naming Ceremony invitations or at least try to and possible clean my car. Although I'm tempted to get some little dude to do it at one of the drive in ones - hmmm, that sounds like a much better idea.
Right, finally a BIG SORRY to all the blogging buddies that I have not been over to see lately like Pam and Melanie. I will try to catch up as soon as poss. However, I'm scared to look at Melanie's as she writes SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many posts, I bet there is like 568 to look at! LMAO She is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better at keeping up than me!!!!!!!!!!
A big sorry to Jen too as because she went private a little while ago (which I totally understand) she doesn't show up in my google reader anymore. I should make sure I go over to her blog as soon as I've finished looking at the reader wotsit more often!
And my best blogging buddie of all SYD! I love ya, I read your blog all the time, I'm just rubbish at commenting as much as I really want to! I think I will come back to your posts and write what I wanna say once I have done Kadyns lunch, or changed her bum, or put her to bed and then before I know it a month has gone by!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, gotta go pee AGAIN - guess that what drinking 4 litres of water a day does!!! Could you imagine if I was going on a long car journey! Nightmare! :o)
