I only have one thing to say...............................I'm HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I don't like it! Oh, I guess that was 2 things to say! LOL :o)
Sunday 27 July 2008
Saturday 26 July 2008
If...No.2
If you had to lose one of your five senses which would you give up?
I think it would have to be smell. I wouldn't want to lose ANY of them and hope I never have to find out what it would feel like. I am thankful and blessed to have all 5. I can't imagine a world where I can't see my baby girl growing up. I love food too much to get rid of taste but then again actually maybe that would be a better one to get rid off, perhaps that would help my diet! Oh No! But wait! Imagine smelling something gorgeous like fresh bread cooking and then not being able to taste it - that would suck!
Hearing and sight are the 2 most important to me and then I wanna be able to feel my babies hugs so touch has to come third so really it is between taste and smell, I think I'll stick with smell.
So, what about you guys?
Friday 25 July 2008
Fitting In Spiritually
I just read my gorgeous friend Syd's post spiritually speaking and it reminded me that I have been meaning to do a post myself regarding the same topic. Those who have been reading my blog from the beginning will know I have been on a bit of a journey to find god or find a religion that I actually believe or feel I fit in with.
I struggled with the whole getting Kadyn christened thing as I didn't want to stand there and make loads of promises about Jesus and stuff that I didn't whole heartedly believe in myself. However, I did want to thank god for my beautiful baby girl. I have never doubted god himself, just the fact that some people believe there is only ONE path to him. I have always thought good people in many different religions will all reach god in the end, we all just have different ways of getting there.
Most religions are not tolerant of other religions and I really struggle with that. I read loads of different stuff in my quest to find a religion I felt like I really agreed with and I finally came across this:
Click here for more details on : Unitarianism
They believe that:
- everyone has the right to seek truth and meaning for themselves.
- the fundamental tools for doing this are your own life experience, your reflection upon it, your intuitive understanding and the promptings of your own conscience.
- the best setting for this is a community that welcomes you for who you are, complete with your beliefs, doubts and questions.
They can be called religious ‘liberals’:
- religious because we unite to celebrate and affirm values that embrace and reflect a greater reality than self.
- liberal because we claim no exclusive revelation or status for ourselves; because we afford respect and toleration to those who follow different paths of faith.
We are called ‘Unitarians’:
- because of our traditional insistence on divine unity, the oneness of God.
- because we affirm the essential unity of humankind and of creation.
I like it!! I feel like I fit in here! I called the fellowship in my area and spoke to a lovely lady who's father is a retired minister. Him and his wife travelled down to meet us and he is going to perform the naming ceremony for Kadyn in September. I feel so much more comfortable about the whole thing. We have some beautiful readings about life and children and I will post them on here after the ceremony.
I have always wanted to be part of a religion, church or group. I feel like an outsider sometimes and I often wish I had found that faith that so many people have at an early age. I read some blogs where people seem to have an almost second family, their church family. It seems like a different world sometimes. Everyone seems happy and kind. There are people that are married to their high school sweethearts, have a lovely houses, beautiful children, active busy lives, happy happy happy, they go to church. I often wish I WAS in that kind of life. I went down a different path I guess.
I think the whole community thing is so much bigger in the states too, one of the reasons I sometimes wish we had stayed there. Well, actually I don't so much wish we had stayed there, more like wonder what it would have been like if we had. Would I have become part of some kind of group. Would I have done loads of activities I enjoyed (they always had way more activities and social events at school in the USA than over here ever did) or would I have always felt like the outsider over there. The English one. The one that speaks differently.
Actually I have always wanted to fit in. To blend into the background. Be the same as other people. I don't like being different, I don't want to be different. I don't want to be unique which is a bit weird I suppose - I want to be like other people - It makes me feel better. I don't know why!!
I guess that is why I was searching to fit into a religion. I wanted to be able to say I am a ........blar blar blar. I wasn't content being the ONLY one that thought the things I thought and felt the way I did and it was a huge relief and comfort when I found the Unitarian website and read what they believed in. I no longer felt like I was ALONE - there are others out there that think a little like ME!!
Back in Time No.2 (15 years old)
20th October 1990
I'm in love! Me and mum went down to Yorkshire on Friday for Alison and Paul's wedding on Saturday. At the disco afterwards I had a right laugh. Paul is in the navy and 12 of his navy mates were supposed to be there but 6 of them had to go to the gulf, so there were only 6 at the disco. Paul is 24 but all his mates were different ages. I fancied this one called Robby or Bobby, I'm not sure which one, but this girl Rachel was dancing with him. Then all the other blokes were talking to me. Someone dropped £5 on the floor so I asked Robby's mate if it was his. All of them were pissed then him and Robby put their arms around me and said to keep it, so I did.
I danced from 7.30pm till 1am in the morning. The last song was "you will never walk alone" and one of the sailors said "would you care to dance?". I got up and we danced. He goes "How come ya not drunk?". I was a bit but I went and said "Dunno me mum would kill me" and he said "Why? under age drinking?" and I go "yeah suppose". He laughed and said "How old are ya?" and I said "15" and he said "Oh god you will get me in trouble". At the end of the night he said "I'd kiss you goodnight but I can't". I said "Why not?". He looked at me and smiled and then....he kissed me (Heaven) It was lovely.
I've decided to get married now! Hopefully to a sailor! One problem is I don't know how old this bloke was or what his name is. I think he is about 20 and I found out his name from Jackie. It was "Muppet". That is his nickname. I am in love. I really wanna know what his real name is and how old he is. I wanna get off with him. He is really nice. I hope I see him again. I don't know how I am going to but I hope I do.Maybe if Alison and Paul get a kid and it gets christened. I LOVE HIM! I can't stop thinking about him.
23rd October 1990
I'm lying on my bed thinking about him. I can't stop, I think my brain is going to burst! I wanna be older than I am. I wanna be his girlfriend. I really wanna see him again.
I LOVE MUPPET
I know this sounds stupid but I don't wanna be friends with my age lot and I wanna live up north. All my mates are druggies and don't care about people.up north they care about people!
_______________________________________
Reading back through all my diary entries, no wonder my mum was obsessed with me "doing IT". She used to go on and on about "IT" and I used to get really annoyed but now I kinda see why. I CONSTANTLY talked about boys! I fancied a different flipping boy almost every other day! All I wrote about was BOYS! I didn't actually lose my big V until I was 17 so she really had nothing to worry about but I sure can see why she was!
Just One Nostril
I can only breath through one flipping nostril! It is doing my head in and had me awake for most of the night. I've got that horrible snot thing going on where nothing comes out when you blow ya nose but if you snif you get a back wash of nastiness which then sticks in your throat and you have to keep swallowing over and over again to get rid of the feeling of something being stuck down there! God that was a long sentence! It was also probably way too much info regarding snot that any of you readers really wanted to read but sod it - I've said it now!
The Ranting Scotsman
One of the blogs I read is "The Ranting Scotsman". His "People Suck" series is SO funny! I love his rants! They are usually about something that I rant about too apart from I do the ranting in my head and he does it out loud on his blog and he says it way better than I could ever say it!!
He asked my to pimp his band for him which, while it's not totally my cup of tea, I don't mind doing at all. I do actually like some of the mellow tracks on his MySpace page and he has a really nice voice. As you all know though, I am more of a Lynden David Hall kinda girl myself.
Pimping Time - Albany Down
So, that's my random act of kindness for the day :o)
Thursday 24 July 2008
Back In Time No.1 (Just Turned 15 years old)
10th September 1990
It was my birthday today! Everybody tried to throw me in the grunden and the pond but I screamed so they didn't bother. I had an argument with Amanda but we made up. I got some really nice presents and my dad remembered to send me a card. I'm having a party on Saturday (woo sexy). I think I fancy Scott (he is a bit of a prick though).
11th September 1990
I had a massive argument with my mum. She said I wasn't aloud alcohol there when she had said I could and she said she was going to stay in (stupid cow) But.....I made up with her and she said she would supply some (better than nothing).
19th September 1990
I've been off school today and yesterday because I have a cold. My party was a right laugh. I got pissed along with everyone else. In the end there was about 50 people there. Karen got paryletic. She threw up all over my mums bed and carpet and my presents. My mum was great she bought loads of cider and we all had a right laugh! I fancy: ? I like a lot:Richard,Ricky,Scott.W. I'm going to school tomorrow (Boo) Talk to ya lata!
________________________________
Can you believe I called my mum a cow?! Sorry mum! I can't imagine allowing Kadyn to get pissed on her 15th birthday either, poor girl aint going to be aloud out until she is at least 25!! LMAO :o)
Back In Time - Introduction
I found my old diary the other day and was having a read through. I thought it might be funny if I posted my entries on my blog. I am going to post them word for word as they were wrote nearly 18 years ago! I'm gonna call this series....Back In Time!! I will make the diary entries in italics so you can tell what I wrote back then and see the comments from now. Hope that makes sense :o)
Tuesday 22 July 2008
There Is Light And Snot
I have not cried for the last few days! It can't be the "happy pills" working yet as they don't kick in for at least a few weeks so I reckon it is just cos I can see light at the end of the tunnel. My time of the month is over and that makes a huge difference. I am just left with about 10 massive spots on my face which is really attractive...not! I cleaned up my kitchen and lounge which is a start. I decided to do one thing at a time instead of trying to do it ALL!
On another note, we woke up this morning to the door buzzer going and I had totally forgot that the sky man was coming round to install sky plus. I looked a right old state! Mashed up bed head hair, spots not covered with any make-up, boobs hanging as no bra on, top with Kadyn's dribble stains all over it! Hmmm...Nice! Anyway, I let him in and went to get Kadyn out of my bed. I walked back into the lounge chatting away to the guy and then looked at Kadyn....OH.MY.GOD! My child looked like an alien baby!!!! He must of thought she had some kind of skin disfigurement. She had dark green snot all over her face. When I say all over, I mean ALL over!! From above her eyes to under her chin! Thick, dried and crusted SNOT! Totally caked all over her poor little face! I quickly proceeded to remove the snot but it was like flipping green glue stuck to my baby's face! After lots of wet wipes and plenty of tears she finally looked like a human baby again!
Sunday 20 July 2008
If... No.1
So, I have got this new book called "If... (Questions for the game of life) by Evelyn McFarlane & James Saywell. It is full of questions that can be used at a dinner party, icebreaker between new acquaintances , it can even help you get to know yourself better (apparently).
Anyhoo, I thought it would be cool to pick questions and ask them on my blog and then my blog readers could answer them too. Now I know I don't have many readers so it could end up that I am the only one answering the questions but I still thought it would be fun.
So the first question is:
If you had to eliminate a single type of animal forever more, which would you choose?
Well, the first thing that came into my mind is that I don't want to eliminate ANY animal coz I love animals. Then I tried to think about the animals I'm not too keen on and I thought of earwigs and daddy longlegs and then I thought "pants! they are not animals, they are insects!" so now I'm stuck again. Urrrrrrrrm, think think think......god this one is hard! Then I thought of a snake and again "pants! that is a reptile" Urrrrrrm.... Right, I have sat here for about 20 minutes now trying to think of an animal I don't like and I can't!!!!!!!!! Flippin heck, I'm really good at this game aren't I??! Ok, so I think I will pick those mean nasty horrible pitbull dogs, the ones that are vicious and attack other animals.
What about you? Leave me a comment with your answer or you can answer it on your own blog and sign Mr.Linky.
Thursday 17 July 2008
Post Natal Depression
Went to the docs today as been very tearful for weeks now. Had to do a questionnaire thing and it all added up to the fact I have post natal depression! I have suffered from depression about 7 years ago and was worried throughout my pregnancy that I would get post natal depression especially as the circumstances around and during my pregnancy were not the best BUT I didn't get it! I was so chuffed with myself and proud of myself for doing it all on my own and coping with everything and then all of a sudden .... BLAM! It kinda came at me from nowhere! I've had the odd few days over the last 11 months where I have had the odd day here and there with crying and feeling down but I normally get over it pretty quick and pull myself together but this time the tears just seem to not want to go away! So, almost 11 months later the poxy depression has caught up with me and there was me thinking I could escape it!!!!!!
I have no motivation with ANYTHING really. I get upset as I don't have many friends to do stuff with during the day and it can be quite lonely on your own all day and all night with a baby. So to fix that I went online and met other mums in the same sort of position as me. Although they are not single mums they are still finding it hard during the day and crave a bit of adult conversation so I made friends with them and arranged meet ups etc.. BUT....I can't be bothered. I can't be bothered to get dressed, wash my hair, do my make-up, iron my clothes, leave the house - I just don't have the energy and all I want to do is sleep! It is rubbish - I am complaining about not having friends and then when I do I don't want to see them!! Anyway, like I said, I went to the docs and have been given some happy pills so hopefully I can get my umph back and get back to my normal self.
Kadyn is currently eating a magazine so better go sort her out - why is it that they always want everything they are not meant to have rather than all the cool toys they have got? LOL
Anyway - hopefully this is the first step to getting fixed!!
Monday 14 July 2008
Wishing I Didn't Wish Stuff Like That
I went to see UB40 last night in an open air concert. I originally bought 4 tickets and was going to go with my daughters dad, his brother and his brothers girlfriend however when i made my big decision a few weeks ago to get rid of all ifs buts and maybes out of my life I also decided that socialising together would make the whole healing process take much longer. I therefore decided that going with my friends would be a much better option.
I can count my friends on one hand (sometimes I think this is a good thing and sometimes I think it's not) so when one was on holiday, one hated UB40 and the other one couldn't afford transport to get to me it left me and my buddie Miche as the only 2 peeps going to the concert!
Now don't get me wrong, I had a good time but I always feel like something is missing. I hate it cos I usually always feel like that at concerts. Most people tend to be in couples or big family groups. Even though I'm not there on my own, I'm with my friend I kinda feel a bit empty, like something is missing. I really want to be there with my "boyfriend" (the one I don't have yet just in case I am confusing you) I really wanna be there with a man, a man that loves me and it really bugs me that I feel like that! I really DON'T wanna feel like that! I really wanna be able to just go out with my mates and ENJOY the night without WISHING it be different, WISHING I was there with someone special making a memory that creates a bond together, making a memory that you can chat about and reminisce about later down the line. I flipping WISH I was just content sharing memories with friends and I feel like a cow because I'm not. Sometimes I just wanna be loved by a MAN! How crap is that!!!!!!
Saturday 12 July 2008
Change Of Diet
So, I have lost over 17 pounds now! I actually stopped doing the lighter life diet last week and have just been eating really carefully since then and lost another couple of pounds on my own! I am still on my mission to get to 140 pounds but it just might take a little longer now but that is cool with me :o)
Instructions For Properly Hugging A Baby
First....find a baby!
Be sure that the object that you found was indeed a baby by employing classic sniffing techniques.
Next you will need to flatten the baby before beginning the hugging process.
The "paw slide". Simply slide paws around the baby and prepare for possible close up.
Finally, if a camera is present you will need to execute the difficult and patented "hug, smile and lean" to achieve the best photo.
Friday 11 July 2008
New Neighbours
Gypsies have moved into my back garden!!!!!!! There are about 5 caravans and a bloody noisy generator and 10 dirty kids with no shoes on running around the place ! The police have been out to them but it usually takes about 2 weeks to move them on as you have to get court orders and stuff. They have already been scouting around in our communal back garden for stuff they can take. I have had to bring my nice bird feeder in as they usually take metal stuff as they can get good money for metal. They asked my next door neighbours if they could have the kids bike and football! Cheeky little mites. They are known for leaving behind a lot of rubbish and the generator they have got running is really noisy. I thought a helicopter was hovering over my flat at first until I realised what it was!
OK, so this pic is a bit of an exaggeration but I'm sure if my new neighbours weren't moved on soon this is what my back garden would look like in a few months. At the moment there are about 4 of the little orange ones on the right hand side of the picture and 1 yellow one in the middle!
Tuesday 1 July 2008
A New Trend
There once was a time when my mum used to really embarrass me. I think I have grown up a lot since having Kadyn as now the same things don't really embarrass me any more, in fact, they make me smile. Like when my mum wears slip on shoes with socks! For years it has been slip on gold shoes with white socks but the other day I just had to get a photo of the "new style"....I Love My Mumski!!!!!!!!
The Power Of Our Actions
I really like this story I read so I thought I would share it with you:
"One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, 'Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.' I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, 'Those guys are jerks, they really should get lives'. He looked at me and said, 'Hey thanks!'. There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football
with my friends and he said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, 'Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!'. He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends...
When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak on Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great.
He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous! Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, 'Hey, big guy, you'll be great!'. He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.'Thanks' he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began 'Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story'.
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.'Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable'.
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions.
With one small gesture you can change a person's life.
For better or for worse.
God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way.
Look for good in others."
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